Introduction
What is auto-ethnography?
According to Wikipedia, “auto-ethnography” is
a form of qualitative research in which an author uses self-reflection and
writing to explore anecdotal and personal experience and connect this
autobiographical story to wider cultural, political, and social meanings and
understandings.”
In this essay, I will attempt to describe the culture I come
from through personal observations and research, with the aim of helping others
from similar backgrounds to feel more connected to the experience and to better
understand themselves. My hope is that they will thereby be better able to
teach outsiders about the culture with its nuances and differences so that they
will have a more accurate and objective perspective when interacting with
people from similar backgrounds.
Cultural Background
In this essay, I choose to introduce the wider cultural background of the place in which I grew up: the Hungarian part of Serbia that was known as Yugoslavia before the civil war. Having Hungarian origins and parents, I always represented the “minority” in the country. That automatically meant not using my mother tongue in official situations, such as in the post office or in bigger stores. Very quickly I learned not to speak up and to stay in the background. Having also a more timid and introverted personality, I let the more extroverted people take over center stage. And these more extroverted people were usually the country’s native Serbs. I grew up very close to the Hungarian border, within perhaps just a few miles. Yet, in spite of the fact that the closest Hungarian city was physically closer than the closest larger city on the other side of the border, I feel that I was influenced more by the lifestyle and culture of the “Yugoslavians” than that of Hungarians.
Culture
Serbian culture is as infuriating as it is
addictive, and the idiosyncrasies of these magnificent people may well be what
makes them so wonderful.
The idea of doing something precisely because you have
been told you cannot, the acting out of proud defiance in the face of
insurmountable odds, is very Serbian, such as organizing a fun run during
NATO's aerial bombardment, or given a choice between your religion and death, choosing death.
I can see how other cultures would easily interpret this behavior as fanatic or
lunatic.
Celebration
Serbia is also famous for its parties, celebrations, and
nightlife. Loud screaming, shouting, dancing on the table, drinking, singing
are all part of this. People there know how to celebrate in the most passionate
of ways, even at funerals. And yet I am not an outgoing person, rather I enjoy
watching people celebrating and being part of it as an outsider. For other
cultures, including for Hungarians, Serbs are loud, rough, and annoying, and
they often misinterpret their openness and loud voices. And indeed there may have
been incidents that some people took it too far and celebrations ended in
disasters.
Family
Family and kinships are very important aspects in Serbia.
This takes various forms, from people paying the entire bill at a restaurant or
calling you late at night to find out how you are feeling. I think I miss this
deep bond even today.
Origins and History
History is also very important for Serbians. Most of the
people are ready to move on and release the horrific parts. And while other
cultures interpret this aspect as being nationalistic, it’s undeniable that
history plays a big part in shaping the nation and the country as it is today.
Food
What is even more important than history is food. There is
always a large dish at a Serb home, and everyone who happens to visit the hosts
is invited to sit at the table. I must admit I am still doing this. When I
prepare food, I always make more because you never know who will stop by. And a
piece of good advice: once you show up it’s better to accept the invitation
unless you want to be labeled as a rude person.
Appearance is everything
When you look at people in Serbia, they are
all extremely good-looking. The reason is that appearance is very important for
them. Buying the latest fashion, driving the newest cars, using the latest tech
innovations, was always part of the nation – no matter what it takes. This
comes out as rather being superficial, but underneath it is really about
ambition and that they believe they deserve all the best things in life.
Religion
People in Serbia respect the church. Religion still plays
a vital role in the lives of many ordinary people.
Authority
The people of Serbia have never played nice with those in
power. Serbs don’t like to be told what to do, especially by countries
perceived as trying to police the world. Serbs have a national pride which sometimes
veers into the obscene, but also
means that they value the autonomy of the nation. You need to be an actual
deity to exert any authority there. Well, it took me many years to understand
that in the US the default attitude of the government offices is to help
people.
No halfway measures
There is a commitment to passion that is lacking
elsewhere, and this becomes tangible in many forms. When Serbs are interested
in a subject they give themselves entirely to it, and there are no
half-measures. If you’re going to try something, why wouldn’t you throw
yourself into it? Just look at famous tennis players such as Monika Seleš,
Novak Đoković, or the basketball players, Vlade Divac, or Predrag Stojaković.
Famous Serbian Quotes
I collected a few famous Serbian quotes that,
in my opinion, perfectly describe the values this nation is driven by: loyalty,
friendship, ambition, honesty, good time, never give up, pride, reputation,
appearance, independence.
●
Your ancestor's glory should not prevent you from winning
your own.
●
If you humble yourself too much, you will get trampled on.
●
You don't need a candle to look for a fool.
●
It is not at the table but in prison that you learn who
your true friends are.
●
You can judge what you make by what others make.
●
When your wine is finished, conversation ends; when your
money has been spent, you lose your friends.
History and Personal Fate
Intertwined
Serbia is largely mountainous. Its northeast section is
part of the rich, fertile Danubian Plain drained by the Danube, Tisa, Sava, and
Morava river systems. It borders Croatia on the northwest, Hungary on the
north, Romania on the northeast, Bulgaria on the east, Macedonia on the south,
and Albania, Montenegro, and Bosnia and Herzegovina on the west. Serbia was one
of six republics that made up the country of Yugoslavia, which broke up in the
1990s.
Serbs settled the Balkan Peninsula in the 6th and 7th
centuries and adopted Christianity in the 9th century. In 1166, Stefan Nemanja,
a Serbian warrior and chief, founded the first Serbian state. By the 14th
century, under the rule of Stefan Dušan, it became the most powerful state in the Balkans.
Perhaps it tells even more about the fiery nature of the
people who live there that both of the two World Wars started in the region.
World War I began when a Serbian nationalist assassinated Archduke Franz
Ferdinand of Austria in 1914, which led to Austria's declaration of war against
Serbia and within months all Europe was at war. In 1941 the Nazis occupied the
country. The Partisans under Josip Broz Tito fought the Nazis for the duration
of the war. In 1943, Tito established a provisional government. Tito ruthlessly
eliminated the opposition and broke with the Soviet bloc in 1948. Yugoslavia
followed a middle road, combining orthodox Communist control of politics and
general overall economic policy with a varying degree of freedom in the arts,
travel, and individual enterprise.
And I think this is still a valid description of the many
charms the country offers to its residents and guests: a strong control that
manifests through a subtle dictatorship that is based on intangible values such
as loyalty, trust, and pride, while at the same time offering a certain freedom
to its people to “survive and fight” and to have a life they want to have as
long as they demonstrate similar enthusiasm and loyalty to the country and
government.
I was born in the ‘80s when Tito was still president. He
was either seen as a strong dictator or a philanthropist with a very strong
sense of diplomacy. His internal policies maintained the peaceful coexistence
of the nations of the Yugoslav federation including Croats, Serbs, Muslims,
Bosnians, Slovenes, and Hungarians, among others. Yugoslavia had a liberal
travel policy, permitting foreigners to travel freely through the country and
its citizens to travel worldwide, whereas travel was limited by most Communist
countries, including Hungary. I remember that as a child, my family had regular
visits to countries like Germany, Austria, and Switzerland. My father was the
first individual to be licensed by Volkswagen and Audi from Germany as a
mechanic in Yugoslavia. We led a semi-Western, semi-Balkan lifestyle. My family
had a wide group of closer and wider friends from literally all nationalities.
We invited each other to meals and shared our foods, drinks, and customs. There
was no question that being different was just another aspect of the colorful
and rich lifestyle people led in ‘80s Yugoslavia. However, I remember my father
telling me that he did not like that Tito led a Communists government. He
believed in capitalism and most of all, he wanted us, his children never to stop
practicing our Catholic religion, which was not allowed during that time. If I
think about it, Serbia or Yugoslavia was always about contradiction: extremely
friendly, open, and accommodating but very cruel if you crossed a certain line.
In a sense, I think this remains the same but has a different garment on it.
After Tito's death in 1980, the feared clash of
Yugoslavia's multiple nationalities and regions appeared to have been averted. However,
under the dictatorship of the new president, Slobodan Milošević. his
arch-nationalism and calls for Serbian domination inflamed ethnic tensions and
spurred on the breakup of Yugoslavia. Because we lived close to the border, the
cruelty did not reach us. We were not affected closely, but the news was
continuously screening the happenings. At that point, the borders were still open.
My father’s car business was very successful, but we started to feel the effect
of the war. He slowly needed to release his employees, sell his extra machines
and cars, but we still carried on. After the separation of Slovenia, and
Croatia, the Serbian army carried out ruthless campaigns of ethnic cleansing in
Bosnia and Hercegovina, which involved the expulsion or massacre of Muslims.
One day my parents told us that we needed to share our
home and life with four women who were the daughters and cousins of a Bosnian
family my parents were friends with. The parents stayed behind in Sarajevo, and
we never heard from them again. Our lives changed dramatically. The four Muslim
women lived in our Christian household for about eight months. After that, they
managed to get refugee statuses in the Netherlands and other places.
Things came down to basics, such as whether we could buy
fresh bread for the day? Or more, whether bread was still available in the
stores? The Bosnian war did not end until NATO stopped it in 1995, when I was fifteen
years old. The four-year-long war resulted in 250,000 deaths and another 2.7
million became refugees. The war also brought the country to a near economic
collapse.
But that was not the end. Another war started in Kosovo
that lasted until 1999. By that time all the borders were closed, and we were
shut off from all media or communication except the official government radio
and television, which did not stop pouring its propaganda and false news. In
the last year of the war, NATO started to bomb Serbian targets, including radio
and TV stations. Some of these bombs were very close to our home. The
government created signs with the word “Target” on them as part of their
propaganda to turn the country’s image into a victim’s identity. Much to my surprise,
with the many deaths and loss, some people actually believed this. I remember
how horrified I was the first time I came to the US and I saw the big “Target”
shopping signs. I still can’t get used to them, as it reminds me of those very
intense last months.
It also happened that I was graduating from high school,
but because of the bombardment, we never really started the Spring Semester and
everyone graduated in June with no or reduced exams. It sounds like fun, but it
was not. I was missing my friends: I did not like to be separated and I
suffered from loneliness a lot. People think that it is easy to adjust to good
things and favorable circumstances, but it is not easy with bad things. I don’t
think that human psychology works that way. After a certain while, we adjust to
what we have been given. And depending on the person, we take out our own
experiences. This happened to me as well. When I first arrived in the US in
2004, I had difficulties accommodating to the culture, or what I called the
“no-culture”. I judged people being superficial, shallow, and narrow-minded as
well as selfish and egocentric. I compared my experience and difficulties with
their lives - going to gym, shopping in the mall, driving giant vehicles, and having
very little sense of loyalty or connectedness to customs, traditions, or other
people. At the same time, I don’t deny that I might have come on a little
“weird”. First of all, I never smiled. I was always serious and while I have changed
a lot internally since then, this default facial expression remained with me if
I don't pay attention to it.
Resources:
https://theculturetrip.com/europe/serbia/articles/11-things-you-should-know-about-serbian-culture/
https://www.inspirationalstories.com/proverbs/t/serbian/
https://www.infoplease.com/world/countries/serbia/history
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josip_Broz_Tito
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